I went to my first ED therapy appointment. It was somewhat helpful, I guess.
We talked about how I was too perfectionistic, didn’t appreciate myself enough, sought too hard to please anyone when it really doesn’t matter, and berate myself.
It was good to get advice for that, though it never really made the full circle back to the eating disorder. Well, I have another appointment next week.
One thing I didn’t like was that she used the word “wow” to much. ”Wow, Masha…” and it made me feel like I was really unusual. But I’m pretty sure tons of people have these problems.
(Source: chasing-my-boston-dream, via losing-every-extra-pound)
Soooo I got food poisoning from a bad kabocha squash. I didn’t throw up, but I was super sick all day and couldn’t eat anything which gave me a headache as well. I went home and slept from 6-11 and now I feel much better. But I only ate a few bowls of peanut butter cheerios (that’s all I could get myself to eat).
I didn’t eat anything all day and my eating disorder is kind of like “way to go” and I weighed in at 140 which is really good. It’s terrible- now it’s 12:00 (I’m not tired bc of the nap) and I’m feeling a little hungry but also a little sick. But I’m like: “No, I shouldn’t eat- I’m losing weight!” And it’s terrible because I should especially be taking care of myself now!
UPDATE: I ate a peach and some avocado, and I had to bake pizza for class so I ate a bit of that :)
Day 7: Are there specific times of day that you have trouble avoiding a binge? How are you working around that now? (Congrats on making it one week!!)
I always want to binge after a binge. It’s weird how that works. I think if I let myself get really hungry, my body starts to remember hunger and I’ll do better.
It’s most likely to be after school. I’ll hurry home and as soon as I arrive, I’ll eat whatever I can to make myself feel a little better.
Um, I also have trouble with bingeing when I’m stressed or lonely (often when home alone).
Woke up this morning feeling like I wanted to binge. I’m stressed and so it’s making me eat. I ate some chocolate almonds (10?) and then had some French toast with syrup and powdered sugar. I was still craving sugar so I ate a 90 cal Fiber 1 cookie. Then I had a little itty bitty cup of yogurt and blueberries.
I was out of control last night and my guilt and stress carried over to today. I’m feeling as if I am getting back into the binge cycle and I’m remembering my old patterns.
Tonight I’m going to a party so that’s stressing me out a bit, too. I know I’ll be challenged by food and just need to be careful and focus on the company and not the eating.
Today, day six, wasn’t my best. I ate sensibly all day.
I ate a good breakfast: a big bowl of oatmeal with fruit. Snack was string cheese. At lunch I made a salad with rice and beans. Then I was still super hungry so I ate more: toast with oil and vinegar. I also ate some almonds. For dinner I made sweet potatoe fries and ate some more almonds. I had a cookie for dessert with almond milk. Then at 10:00 they had free hamburgers. I wasn’t too hungry but I was like “YOLO” and went ahead and ate a slider and sweet potato fires (600?) and a diet coke and a cookie. Then I came home and was stressed so I ate some more almonds and a few chocolate almonds.
So yeah, I overate today. I shouldn’t have let myself eat emotionally afterwards. But I have a lot on my mind- homework and being busy this weekend. I wouldn’t call it a binge, but it was emotional eating. So I need to watch that and I need to talk to myself. In social situations, I should just try a taste and take it slow and enjoy a little bit and share/ throw out the rest.
Do you have certain fear foods?
I don’t know that I have fear foods since I have binge eating disorder and will binge on anything. I’m not choosy.
My mom is a nurse and also has… constipation issues (tmi) so I am always told to eat my fiber and not to eat white bread. She is so healthy and has some things that she just won’t eat so I feel guilt when eating certain foods because she tells me they are bad.
Guilty Foods
Foods I can’t keep in the house
I have made a break through and I have these fiber one cookies in my apartment now. 90 Calories and whole wheat (not amazing, but pretty good) cookies that are individually wrapped. I am doing well with these.
Thurs 9/27
Day 4: A picture of one snack you had today that you felt was a good portion size.
5:00 Dinner was super good!
=340
=490
=730 calories so far… I’ll eat more tonight after the our school musical (whoop!)
Still doing good! I’ve been eating a huge breakfast, packing a tiny lunch, and then eating a normal dinner and allowing myself a little treat here and there.
Day 5: What do you usually binge on?
Do you have certain trigger foods?
Fuck shin splints.
(via glitteringsweat)
Day 2: Post a recent picture of yourself! Don’t body-shame, name two things you like about yourself in this picture.
Sorry, but I’m not going to post a picture of my face for security reasons. Well, I like that my body is in good shape. I’m athletic and able to run and play sports. I have really pretty hair- it’s long and thick and a pretty color. I have a great smile and a nice face. I am attractive. Like, I’m thin enough… a little big, but my weight/excess fat wouldn’t be a turn off or anything.
Day 3: What do you define as a binge?
Day two’s challenge is to post a picture of yourself. I’m not going to post my face on tumblr so I figured I’d upload a shot of my body. But then I have this weird crampy stomach ache (90 calorie cookie brownie? old bread? brussels sprouts? carrots? idk why…) and am way too bloated to take a shot. So instead I’ll swap days three and two.
So, a binge…
A binge is when I eat far past the point of fullness. Usually I eat rapidly. Or I just keep eating and eating and eating. Eating this, then that, then some of those. I usually feel physically sick afterwards. Or I feel unable to stop and I usually have this frantic feeling that if If don’t eat I’m going to break down: cry or scream or kick things. It’s a horrible feeling so I stuff myself with food to distract myself and then I can focus on how sick I feel and feel bad for myself, rather than feel emotionally overwhelmed.
It can be
I am desperate. I want nothing more than to sit down and eat everything. I think about food all the time. I am gaining weight. I make myself sick. My grocery bill is too high. I can’t trust myself. I am losing my healthy, attractive body. I can’t go out to eat with friends because I already binged and can’t eat more. I can’t focus because I just want to make a giant meatball sub. I am most excited when I am hungry and am allowed to eat something. I steal my roommate’s food.
Saturday 9/22
Day 1: Why are you doing the 50 day binge free challenge?
Day 2: Post a recent picture of yourself! Don’t body-shame, name two things you like about yourself in this picture.
Day 3: What do you define as a binge?
Day 4: A picture of one snack you had today that you felt was a good portion size.
Day 5: What do you usually binge on? Do you have certain trigger foods?
Day 6: Do you have any fear foods? If so, post a picture of them here. Yep, have the picture on your blog, and try to stop being scared of these foods.
Day 7: Are there specific times of day that you have trouble avoiding a binge? How are you working around that now? (Congrats on making it one week!!)
Day 8: A picture of something that makes you smile.
Day 9: What inspires you?
Day 10: A picture of a time in your life you remembering being really happy. How much does binging affect your mood?
Day 11: What is the hardest thing you’ve had to do? It can be fitness, social, mental, etc.
Day 12: Why do you think you binge? Be honest with yourself.
Day 13: What are you doing to make sure you’re drinking enough water? (This is key!)
Day 14: Do you think your binging is emotional?
Day 15: You’ve lasted OVER TWO WEEKS! How does that feel?
Day 16: Picture of a non-food reward that you enjoy.
Day 17: What have you done so far to keep yourself going?
Day 18: Do a cartwheel, (OR anything else cool you can do physically) and add a photo of it!
Day 19: What is your favorite way to work out?
Day 20: Picture after an intense workout! (Doesn’t have to be from today, but it should be!)
Day 21: Post your intake today. Are you happy with it?
Day 22: Give us a picture of your favorite breakfast!
Day 23: What is your favorite HEALTHY food?
Day 24: Talk about something you did for YOU today – emotionally, physically, etc.
Day 25: CONGRATS! You’re HALF WAY THROUGH! How are you feeling?
Day 26: What has been the hardest part about this so far?
Day 27: Does anyone know about your issues with binging?
Day 28: Picture (if you’re comfortable) of something you’re insecure of, and 5 REASONS why you shouldn’t be insecure.
Day 29: What is the best compliment you have received/can remember?
Day 30: ONE MONTH IN! WAY TO GO! Think you can make it 20 more days? List 3 reasons you want to keep going.
Day 31: Who in your life makes you really happy?
Day 32: Do you strength train/lift weights at all? (YOU SHOULD!)
Day 33: Detailed account of a binge you remember having. Try analyzing your feelings before and after it happened.
Day 34: A picture of some item of clothing you want to buy for yourself.
Day 35: When did your binging start? Why do you think it started?
Day 36: A picture of a time in your life that you didn’t feel good about your body. List two things that you like about this picture now.
Day 37: Do you think it’s possible to be 100% happy with your body? Why or why not?
Day 38: What calms you down when you’re stressed out?
Day 39: A picture of your favorite book.
Day 40: TEN MORE DAYS LEFT! Name an accomplishment in your life that you’re really proud of.
Day 41: Favorite actress or singer and why? Do you look up to this person?
Day 42: A picture of what your pantry/dorm room looks like after 42 days of no binging! Are there foods you’ve been able to keep around that you couldn’t before?
Day 43: List five things that you love about yourself.
Day 44: Do you see yourself as a happy person? Do you think others see you as a happy person?
Day 45: What’s your biggest fear? How can you overcome it?
Day 46: When did you make your tumblr? How has it changed since you first started it?
Day 47: A picture of something you ate today that would have once made you feel guilty, but today you have NO GUILT.
Day 48: The challenge is almost over! List 5 things you’re looking forward to coming up.
Day 49 - Hey, remember that picture you took at the beginning on day 2? Post another one in the exact same pose. Notice any differences? What was your mindset on day 2 vs. today?
Day 50: CONGRATS! You’re amazing :) What are your goals now? Go after them!
